First Night Of Fasion Week…It’s Way Too Cold For That

It was nothing special for me and I actually didn’t even do anything fashion related. I was going to meet Maurice over at the John Varvatos party but he called and said that it looked like a mad house outside and not a door person in sight. The simple math was performed and the calculation said that the party was not worth standing in the cold, waiting for a door person.

Truth be told, I have less patience for anything in the cold. A party is really low in the pecking order in regards to what I will wait in the cold for or to do.

I will not wait more than 10 minutes for anyone outside of anywhere, in the freezing cold. Each degree below 32 subtracts a minute. So at 30 degrees, I’m doing 8 minutes.

I will only wait the time it takes to smoke 1 cigarette for anyone that needs me to come out and pay for their cab….And I may use funny money, so just know that 🙂

I will not wait for anyone to finish their “American Spirit” cigarette, after I have finished mine. Those cigarettes burn slow, which is cool, but when it’s freezing cold outside….I’ll see ya back inside

I will come outside of a loud place to have a phone conversation, but I won’t be on the phone for more than three minutes…..unless something terrible has happened and then you get a few more minutes and perhaps I’ll just come to see you if it’s that bad.

I will not wait for a taxi for more than 10 minutes in the freezing cold…..if it’s still early enough to get on the train and I’m going home. If it’s after a night of partying then I’m out there as long as need be. It’s why I stopped going over to that horrid 27th street area many years ago, because getting a cab at the end of the night was impossible. PLUS the clubs were wack, so nixing that hood off my list was real easy.

I will not go to football games past the month of November. Hand warmers, mittens, long johns, those little hot ass rocks you put in your pocket……bite me, nothing is fun when you’re that cold. Nothing. Fun is had in warm weather and that’s just what it is.

I will not wait in line to have brunch at Tom’s in Brooklyn or Clinton Street Backery or any place for that matter, more than 5 minutes. Tom’s brings you cookies and coffee, but they never bring you a heater. Just roll out one of those big heaters they use in front of night clubs and I’m game. Then bring me cookies and coffee and we’re in business. Like I want a cookie when my hands and teeth are shivering?

I will not eat or drink in a restaurant or bar, where I have to keep on my outside coat just to stay warm. If you can’t heat the room to the point that I can remove my outer layer, then adios amigos. I’m not an Eskimo and don’t care to eat or dine like one. I don’t like when the sleeves of my coat gets dipped in reduction sauce.

Annnd

When I’m in a cab, I will not stay in the cab if it doesn’t have heat. I will get out and find another cab. I pay the fare of course, but I don’t get more than a few blocks before I gotta bail. If I was going back to brooklyn, and they offered a 20% non-heat discount, I might consider it. Especially If I just ate dinner with my coat on, I’d just lick my sleeves and think about warm weather.

P.s. I ended up back at No.7 for a nighcap that turned into 90 minutes! But of course 🙂

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One Comment

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  1. this is friggin HILarious and utterly poignant!

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TRULY BROOKLN

The Brooklyn Experience With Experienced Guidance

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